why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
