Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
