first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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