so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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