Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
