Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
