why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
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