if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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