he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Randomize
