I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
