I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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