that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
