dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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