i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
