She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
