she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
