there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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