Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
