In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
