i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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