he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
