We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
