Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
