bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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