So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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