FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
