To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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