Pants 0. Shit 1.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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