You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
