the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
