when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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