Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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