She went from zero to smokin in five shots
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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