I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Your penis caused this!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
