Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
