I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
