i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
did i just pee glitter
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
