Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
