kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize