seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
