dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
ttyl tear gas
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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