Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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