I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
