i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
