I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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