Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
