I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
