In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
