sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
