i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
