get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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