jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
