i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
