if i can run in heels then i can drive
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
