i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
