I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
