You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
