Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
