my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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