plz talk dirty to me
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
it's great music for shaving your balls
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
