Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
