I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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