got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Fuck appropriateness.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
