Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
