this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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