I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
