were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
The ass gains better be worth it
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