woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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