I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
two words...techno handjob
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
