Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Randomize
