i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
