So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
